willing myself to keep packing, ugh

Ok so I got the living room and kitchen done, the three tubs that I purchased are full and in my back seat.

Im amazed that I have room still for things to pile on top and yes I will utilize all free space :)

The trunk I hope to fill with clothes my tv wrapped in a blanket with pillows on top, I'd cry if I get the 1800 miles home only to find my beloved tv broken.

I know I'll be leaving something of importance behind, it never fails with my moves, how ever maybe just maybe we are being civil enough that he will mail the items I forget to me.

Procasintating on blogger wont get the rest of my things packed, so off I go.

Gearing up for my move!

I hate packing even though this is on a small scale I don't leave a  mess of things, so while packing im aslo cleaning and purging things.

Soon all of my belongings will fit in a small car, just me and stuff, well and my dad's ashes, yet I know he is with me in spirit always, he and God.

Let Sam out to run today, I feel bad for leaving him, but this has always been his home, I sense he is lonely but soon he will have a playmate, I hear a pitt bull puppy will make its new home here.

Determined to be happy, to live life, and to be better not bitter.

Rain and no sun make for mood shifts with me...

It never fails when it rains and become down right yucky to be out in about, especialy when your yard turns to mud and the path to the car as well.

So it rained today and I slept, slept most all day, the wind woke me at times as well as the dog, he was on the beack porch nice and dry just equally grumpy from the day.

I purchased three tubs yesterday, now to select what to take and what to simply leave, packing a small car full of all my belongings overwhelms me.

Things aren't always what they seem....

While I felt this change coming at this time last year, I didn't know how it would work out.

I went home for the first time in two years this past Septemeber, I stayed until two days after Thanksgiving, thats almost 3 months, at home around family, old friends, friends, etc.

I felt it when I left for home, felt it while I was at home, that my marriage is over.

My heart hurts for him, for our dog, for myself, I dislike tears, the feeling of failure, and yet this to shall pass, we will over come it and some how flow with life.

Seperation, that's how he wants to approach divorce, either way, the time has come for me go home, maybe not to the small town I am from, but to the state.

This to shall pass......

Christmas Eve...

Tradition growing up was to go to memaw and papaws house, my mom's mom and dad on Chsristmas Eve for finger foods and sweets.

My mom has four brothers and two sisters amongst them there are eighteen grandchildren, with a family that large we would draw names amongst the children.

Many of the years we would recieve a present from which ever cousin drew our name as well as a gift from memaw and papaw.

The night usually ended with us caroling around the neighborhood and then off to our houses for santa's visit.

On Christmas day we would all gather back at memaw and papaws for the traditional Christmas dinner, for us that was turkey, ham, dressing, mashed potatos, rolls, green beans, corn, cranberry sauce and every desert imaginable it seemed.

I realize now at the age of 33 how blessed we were to have those family traditions and memories.

This Christmas Eve I spent with my husband and his family it was nice being around people, we will be back there tomorrow for dinner, I hope it goes well and that the kids of the family leave with great memories of another Christmas at their gramma and grampas.

Wishing all of you out there in the blogging world a Merry Christmas and Happy New Year!

Already the 14th!

Good gosh where is the time going, next week will be Christmas, shaking my head.

It feels like I just got home and settled back in heck I haven't even begun to sort through and pack my things for the final move home yet.

I have days where I can't wait to be home for good and then others where I'd like to put it off forever.

Today is a put it off until later day. Ho hum.

My view from the coast at winter time, the water wasn't all that cold considering the temps at night.

A little about him.....

We met in a public place, the mall!


Everyone assumes they know about that meeting and the "relationship" details.

Truth is, while being told I shouldn't base the past on the way I feel today the future, they want to hold his current status against him/us and I wont tolerate it.

You see we met one night, the next morning, and had made plans to meet at my apartment for cooking dinner and a movie in, I texted him mid morning to ask his preference on steak sauce, by 4pm I had no reply I figured him for another crappy dude who changed his mind, then I got the call, he was in lock up.

not so sure.....

So Monday tomorrow I hope to hear from the doctor about physical therapy im so blessed to be able to go there and stay as long as I need to learn how to do it at home.

I know I need it for the shoulder for sure and chest I dont know what its doing or why its doing it but it hurts like hell right now, the past few days its been constanly painful.

So maybe they will say come on down for a get all apointments and therapy in a week and im there.

We left for the beach today after he got home from work, it was nice to get here and hear just the ocean and my thoughts, even though their jumbled.

I hope to just breath in the fresh air tomorrow and listen to  my own heart and see where I want to be.

This is life......

Here goes something....

I decided to start this blog with humor, granted there will be ups and downs, the rug just got pulled out from under me posts, amongst who knows what else, but its my life!

I recently moved back home to Arkansas from North Carolina and now am sitting at my desk in North Carolina typing this blog, what a crazy life.

I was home for three months, ups and downs were had and I decided that I'd try this state once more before totally giving up and relocating back home.

Of course having to see doctors at UNC Chapel Hill brought me back here too, how ever that's another blog post in itself.